The Elbow's in-depth look at the Vegas expansion draft

The Elbow's in-depth look at the Vegas expansion draft

With the Vegas Golden Knights' expansion draft – their debutante ball, if you will – fast approaching, The Elbow is taking an in-depth look at who will be lining up this fall for the NHL's 31st team, and why.

You've probably read hundreds of well thought-out think pieces and essays about the machinations of this draft, but look no further. Put your house on these picks. We present to you, the results of the 2017 Vegas Golden Knights expansion draft.

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Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

PHILADELPHIA, PA – A local man has today disavowed the entire National Hockey League after witnessing what he described as "a bigger cover-up than Watergate" in Pittsburgh's 2-0 win over Nashville on Sunday night.

Tony Bermini, a 23-year-old Flyers fan, announced in a 1,000 word letter on Facebook that he would be taking his support to another league.

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Local catfish can't wait for children to see his guts spilled out on national TV

Local catfish can't wait for children to see his guts spilled out on national TV

NASHVILLE, TN – Sitting on a dock along the Cumberland River, Norman Lewis has only one thing on his mind ahead of Sunday's game six.

"It'd be a great shame to be wasted on a plate," the 24-year-old catfish told The Elbow. "If I had one wish as I lie here, struggling to breathe, it would be that my carcass is snuck into Bridgestone arena under a sweaty man's jersey, flung 20 metres over peoples' heads and onto the ice."

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Country singer waiting for her big chance to butcher U.S. national anthem

Country singer waiting for her big chance to butcher U.S. national anthem

FRANKLIN, TN – Up-and-coming country singer Taylor Tucker today revealed that she is keenly awaiting her moment to mutilate the Star-Spangled Banner in the Stanley Cup Final.

After watching Martina McBride and Dierks Bentley force words out of their mouths to the tune the anthem before the past two games, she believes she is ready for her opportunity.

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Mayors of Nashville and Pittsburgh make bet; loser to wear Avalanche gear for a week

Mayors of Nashville and Pittsburgh make bet; loser to wear Avalanche gear for a week

PITTSBURGH, PA – As is tradition, the mayors of the two teams competing in the Stanley Cup Final have made a friendly bet regarding the outcome of the series.

Nashville's mayor, Megan Barry, alongside Bill Peduto of Pittsburgh spoke to the media outside PPG Paints Arena this afternoon to announce the terms of the arrangement.

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Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

OTTAWA, ON – Three days after getting eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, Senators captain Erik Karlsson – who played all post-season with hairline fractures in his foot – revealed that he was also dealing with a broken heart thanks to a breakup with childhood sweetheart, Elsa.

Despite their relationship ending over 23 years ago when they were three years old, Karlsson said the memories are as painful today as they were back then.

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Ron MacLean reveals he is completely deaf in left ear

Ron MacLean reveals he is completely deaf in left ear

TORONTO, ON – Hockey Night in Canada host Ron MacLean revealed today that he has been completely deaf in his left ear for the past 10 years.

The ear – which he refers to as his "Grapes ear" – is the one that has copped most of Cherry's boisterous ramblings for the better part of 27 years. The two switched sides on Coach's Corner a few years ago so MacLean was able to communicate with the 83-year-old.

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Overwhelming support for Predators taking an emotional toll on Penguins

Overwhelming support for Predators taking an emotional toll on Penguins

PITTSBURGH, PA – As Nashville prepares to face off against Pittsburgh in their first Stanley Cup Final in team history next week, they have been the recipients of overwhelming support from neutral fans throughout the league.

So much so, that several Penguins players have admitted that the immense bandwagon support for their opponents – and lack of neutral support for them – has begun to hurt their feelings.

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League suspends Ryan Johansen for not wearing suit to game

League suspends Ryan Johansen for not wearing suit to game

NASHVILLE, TN – Predators forward Ryan Johansen has been suspended for the first ten games of the 2017-18 season after failing to arrive at his team's game six matchup against the Ducks wearing the correct attire.

League rules mandate that all players wear suits to games, regardless of if they're playing that evening or suffering from potentially life-threatening injuries. It's also preferred that they do something nice with their hair, as well.

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Wingels avoids suspension after ghosts of hockey past appear to Quintal

NEW YORK, NY – NHL Director of Player Safety, Stéphane Quintal today revealed that his department has chosen not to suspend Tommy Wingels after what he describes as a visit from the ghosts of hockey past.

The former NHL defenceman said the pair told him that his job was to uphold the rules laid down by the game's founding fathers 100 years ago, not to cave in to the current set of regulations.

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Police arrest Sens fans who planned to start new tradition by throwing senator's corpse onto the ice before game six

Police arrest Sens fans who planned to start new tradition by throwing senator's corpse onto the ice before game six

OTTAWA, ON – Four local men were arrested on Monday for planning to toss a dead senator over the glass and onto the ice before tomorrow's game six against Pittsburgh.

Hoping to start what they believed would be a new tradition for Senators playoff games, the group had dug up the grave of a former senator and dressed it in a team jersey.

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Neutral fan seeks professional help after being caught cheering for Anaheim

Neutral fan seeks professional help after being caught cheering for Anaheim

MONTREAL, QC – A local man today revealed that he has begun intense personality conversion therapy at his family's request, after being caught openly cheering for the Ducks against the Nashville Predators.

The Habs fan said he first noticed symptoms last Friday, but didn't reveal them to his loved ones until yesterday.

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Stars sign Bishop; begin search for fourth-string goaltender

Stars sign Bishop; begin search for fourth-string goaltender

DALLAS, TX – After officially signing Ben Bishop to a six-year, $29.5 million contract on Friday, Stars GM Jim Nill announced that he has ramped up the search for a fourth-string goaltender who can back up the backup's backup next season.

Netminders Kari Lehtonen and Antti Niemi struggled this season with the stress of not having enough insurance behind them. Nill said his number one goal this summer is shoring up the crease.

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Cardboard cutout of Brooks Orpik found in Pittsburgh dumpster; Game 5 replacement not yet named

Cardboard cutout of Brooks Orpik found in Pittsburgh dumpster; Game 5 replacement not yet named

PITTSBURGH, PA – Capitals blueliner Brooks Orpik has been spotted in a dumpster not far from the PPG Paints Arena on the morning of his team's game five contest against the Penguins.

The lifeless, rain-soaked cardboard cutout, who has played in all but three games for his team this season, was reportedly found by a waste management employee on Friday.

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Flyers construct prototype goaltender capable of withstanding hometown crowd abuse

Flyers construct prototype goaltender capable of withstanding hometown crowd abuse

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The Flyers today revealed that they have developed a human-robot hybrid goaltender capable of completely shutting out the abuse and torment lobbed at them by hometown crowds.

The hybrids have been tested under some of the most stressful conditions available to humans, with the latest models surviving all tests with flying colours.

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Sens buy 5,000 leftover Zellers mannequins to fill empty seats

Sens buy 5,000 leftover Zellers mannequins to fill empty seats

KANATA, ON – With thousands of seats left unsold in Ottawa's game against New York on Thursday night, the team today announced that it has purchased leftover mannequins from Zellers to fill the empty space expected for game two.

The legless and headless dummies will be dressed in jerseys and hats from the arena's lost and found section.

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Avalanche selling line of branded face paper bags

Avalanche selling line of branded face paper bags

DENVER, CO – The Colorado Avalanche today announced that they have released a new line of paper bags designed to cover fans' faces.

The bags range in price from $5.99 and $25.99 depending on size, and are now available at the official shop.nhl.com website, as well as the NHL store in New York City.

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James van Riemsdyk hires surrogate to chew mouthguard over the summer

James van Riemsdyk hires surrogate to chew mouthguard over the summer

TORONTO, ON – With the Maple Leafs' playoff run coming to an end on Sunday night, forward James van Riemsdyk announced that he has hired a surrogate to spend the summer chewing his trademark green mouthguard.

The surrogate – a part-time accountant from Toronto – will be required to spend at least two hours a day with the piece in his mouth.

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Price on trading block after going pointless in playoffs

Price on trading block after going pointless in playoffs

MONTREAL, QC –  After a career-worst zero points through six playoffs games, it appears as if Carey Price's days as a Canadiens player are numbered.

Despite being one of his team's highest paid players, Price was able to muster absolutely no offence whatsoever through six games against the Rangers.

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