The Elbow staff
MONTREAL, QC – After starting the season with a franchise-record nine straight wins, the Montreal Canadiens are in the ideal position to disappoint almost everyone in Quebec.
According to local sociologist Dr. Irwin Chan, spirits in Montreal are high, and continuing the great start to the season will guarantee that almost everyone in the province goes into a deep depression when they eventually get kicked out of the Stanley Cup playoffs.
"There's almost no turning back from here," Dr. Chan said.
"In the grand scheme of an NHL season, there's a long way to go. But in the minds and hearts of the passionate fans in Quebec, anything short of winning the cup from here on would be about the worst thing ever."
Team communications manager, Anton Lacroix agreed.
"We couldn't have asked for a better start to the season," he said. "And in saying that, we couldn't have asked for a more exciting prelude to what will be a very impressive collapse."
"The letdown that will be felt by fans in this city come April will rival anything we've seen before."
Chan said that the last time the Habs started a season so strongly only to get steamrolled in the playoffs, local merchants selling chocolate, ice cream, and anti-depressants ran out of stock within hours of their season ending.