The Elbow staff
OTTAWA, ON – After announcing that it would be making a surprise return to the NHL earlier this week, Jaromir Jagr's mullet has promptly ordered Erik Karlsson's flow to "leave town and never return".
It is believed that the legendary figure traveled up from Florida to meet Karlsson's prior to Senators training this morning to give him the news.
"Their meeting was short and sweet," a Senators spokesperson told assembled media shortly after the incident.
"Jagr's hair laid down the law and told Karlsson's beautiful locks that the league wasn't big enough for the two of them."
"According to those within earshot, he did not mince his words."
Both players chose not to comment on the incident, but Karlsson was seen walking around the locker room a short while later without his trademark mane.
According to Statistics Canada, 40% of girls aged between 13-16 in the Ottawa area withheld from eating dinner with their families this evening, while they contemplated why the world even bothers to exist anymore.