With NHL All-Star game approaching, American fans optimistic about fucking up another vote

By Wally Barnes

DETROIT, MI – After doing their best to destroy what their forefathers built 240 years ago by electing Donald Trump as the next president, fans in the United States are eyeing another opportunity to wreak havoc on a public vote.

Online polling for the NHL All-Star game opened to fans on Thursday, giving voters yet another chance to prove why democracy does not work. 

All-Star game voting is a process that has had its fair share of controversies in the past. This year, the NHL put new rules in place to ensure there are no John Scott scenarios, however, fans in Michigan say that the voice of Americans should never be underestimated.

What does that mean exactly? Dylan Lockett from Detroit said that there are many ways he and his Michiganders can upset another vote.

"We're looking forward to having ourselves heard again," he said. "Do we plan on rigging this one and getting a bunch of Red Wings players in? Maybe."

"Or perhaps it'll be something even crazier that you never saw coming. Zac Rinaldo, NHL All-Star sounds pretty good."

Other fans are just happy to get a chance to try and make amends for the presidential election.

"Two elections in as many months," Tammy Boulton from Flint, Michigan said. "How exciting!"

"Hopefully we make the right choices this time around. But realistically, I'll probably just write in Jimmy (Howard) a few hundred times. I like his hair."

At press time, league head office staff were reportedly drafting a press release denying that they had fixed the ballot once again.

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