The Elbow staff
CALGARY, AB – Flames president of hockey operations Brian Burke today announced the launch of his new line of neck ties.
Burke said he was excited to team up with national retailer Mark's to give other busy men the opportunity to embrace a "new way to experience men's fashion."
"The Mark's brand is perfect for my new range of ties," he said on Tuesday. "No-nonsense men like me go straight to Mark's for all of their no-nonsense clothing needs."
"These ties are aimed at men who are too goddamn busy to spend their precious time tying up a namby-pamby piece of silk around their necks."
Mark's spokesman Edward Murphy said that the burlap ties are the most truculent ties on the market.
"You won't find another tie that pairs better with a flannel dress shirt," he said. "They can take all sorts of punishment."
"If you're on the farm, ready to head out on date night with the old girl and spot a heifer trapped in the bog, what are you pulling her out with?"
"Without your Burkietie™, she'd be history. But wrap that burlap around her waist, tie the other end up to the grill of your pickup, and bring her back to the land of the living. Then sling the tie back over your neck and treat the lady to the best Swiss Chalet in town."
When asked by a reporter what makes the ties impossible to tie, Burke responded by saying "Absolutely nothing."
"But your boss isn't going to believe that you're too busy to take on more work if you're able to spend 20 minutes each day in front of a mirror getting pretty."
The Burkietie™ will be available at every Mark's store in Canada by May 27.