The Elbow staff
PITTSBURGH, PA – The Stanley Cup's annual tour to hometowns of the NHL champions has been put on hold for at least two weeks.
According to sources travelling with the Cup, it was sent to hospital after suffering a severe reaction caused by consuming too much cereal milk.
"The Cup has grown accustomed to having beer drunk out of it in the past, but not a whole lot of cereal," one of the keepers of the Cup said yesterday.
"The recent trend for Cup champions has been to eat cereal out of the bowl, but what people don't know is that it has a serious intolerance to lactose. The last few days have not been enjoyable."
It's believed that the Cup had its first severe reaction after visiting Matt Cullen's home. As it turns out, all three of Cullen's sons survive solely on cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
By 2pm that day, and after ten bowls of Cap'n Crunch, Froot Loops and Apple Jacks, the Cup reportedly complained of intense abdominal pain and cramping before violently vomiting on the Cullen family dog.
It endured a similar fate less than a week later at Kris Letang's home, as his son Alexander – also a cereal enthusiast – reportedly ate four bowls of Lucky Charms out of it.
It is understood that the Cup is currently in a stable condition resting in a local hospital.