The Elbow staff
NEW YORK, NY – Renowned play-by-play man, Mike 'Doc' Emrick, will be out of action for the next two weeks, NBCSN announced today.
The DocBot™, as he's known to his creators, has been responsible for successfully calling thousands of hockey games over the last four decades, however, in an effort to make him more easily understood by fans, will have his vocabulary drive restored this week.
"DocBot™ has been deteriorating over a long period of time, with several malfunctions that have been handled in between periods," network spokesman Larry Ferro said today. "It has demonstrated an ever-increasing ability to create its own nonsensical words, so we felt it necessary to take action now before the problem got worse."
The inventor of the speech robot says it was designed with the ability to pick words from the dictionary and apply them to hockey. The intention was to create a more engaged and learned audience.
"The unfortunate thing is that this has gone further than we would've expected," Dr. Paul Rivelli from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology said. "It's become clear that DocBot™ is merely just picking random nouns out of the dictionary and using them as verbs."
"We believe that we have a responsibility to the next generation of children who will be listening to him for the next 20 years. They should know that a puck cannot be 'knifed', 'rifled', 'ladled', or 'plunged' into the offensive zone."
"We were even okay with terms like 'waffleboarded', but there is a line that we believe has now been crossed."
Dr. Rivelli confirmed that they are working on reducing Emrick's 'drive' call by at least three seconds.