The Elbow staff
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Wild forward Zach Parise has undergone full body replacement surgery after exhausting all options to fix yet another persistent injury.
The cause of this one is not fully known, however team doctors say that the forward will not be returning to the lineup for at least two months, as his head adjusts to a completely different body.
"As you can imagine, it'll take some real getting used to for his brain," lead surgeon Dr. Steven Walker said on Tuesday. "From the moment he wakes up from the surgery, he'll be a little disorientated, but it'll be a matter of teaching his brain to perform all the usual motor functions once again."
"In the first couple of days, he'll probably have the hand-eye coordination of someone like Kyle Quincey, but the aim will be to improve drastically from there over the coming months."
Parise and the team opted for the surgery after visiting numerous specialists in the United States and not being able to pinpoint where the root cause of the problem was.
"Unfortunately, we had no real way of knowing what was causing his pain," team physician Tanner Brooks said. "What we did know was that it started in his torso, arms and/or legs region, but nothing more than that."
"The only feasible solution we could find to fixing Zach's multitude of lingering injuries was to completely remove the problem."
According to surgeons, Parise's head will be detachable, allowing him to rest it in a jar overnight, and giving head coach Bruce Boudreau something solid to throw on the ice to protest penalties.