The Elbow staff
SUNRISE, FL – After steering the Panthers to their first losing record in three seasons, Tom Rowe has been promoted from general manager and interim head coach to the new role of Special Helper in the organization.
Dale Tallon – his replacement as GM – today said that the interim coach had done an excellent job despite his obvious lack of knowledge or skill in the area.
"Tom has tried really hard behind the bench for us this season," Tallon told the assembled media on Monday. "We're all very proud of the super special job he's done for us since we let Gerard [Gallant] go. So much so, that I've decided to personally reward him with this new role of Special Helper."
In addition to the new job title, Rowe was presented with a big gold sticker for his efforts this season at today's press conference.
As Special Helper, Rowe will report directly to the GM, assisting him with several important jobs such as finishing the tricky Sudoku puzzles, memorizing coffee orders, and learning all of the players' names.
Tallon will immediately be charged with trying to undo everything that happened this season.