The Elbow staff
COLUMBUS, OH – Human rights organization Amnesty International has joined forces with the United Nations to try putting an end to the carnage in Columbus following last night's overtime loss against the Penguins.
The UN deployed 200 of an expected 1,000 peacekeepers in and around Nationwide Arena today. They will be charged with discouraging the brutal slaughter orchestrated by head coach Mike Sullivan on the unsuspecting Blue Jackets.
According to a spokesman, the decision to send ground personnel in was made towards the end of the second period in last night's game, when the victims of the attack put down their weapons in a clear surrender, only for the attacks to continue.
"Footage of the carnage in Columbus has made its way around the world, with leaders from almost every developed country decrying what has been unfolding," Amnesty International spokesman Ian Rinkler said on Monday evening. "As human beings, we cannot simply stand by and let this happen without acting."
"We hereby ask all major news organizations in North America to heavily sensor any footage that they show. We also urge parents to limit their children's exposure to news in any form."
Peacekeepers have barricaded all entrances to the arena in the hopes that they can stop Sullivan's men from setting up their attacks tomorrow night. According to news sources on the ground, a small group of rebel police officers are fighting to keep all roads and entryways open.
The Red Cross is calling for all people in the area who have been unaffected by the bloodshed to donate immediately.