VANCOUVER, BC – Canucks head coach Willie Desjardins admitted on Monday that he still has absolutely no idea which Sedin twin is which.
Despite being in his third season behind the Vancouver bench, Desjardins says that he makes sure to check the names on their jerseys before talking to them.
Read MoreGLENDALE, AZ – There are increasing calls in Arizona for the team to take action over Pavel Datsyuk's horrible start to start the season.
Fans this week have been signing online petitions to have him scratched or head coach Dave Tippett fired.
Read MoreMONTREAL, QC – Facing a sharp decline in the number of church-goers in Quebec, God awoke from a slumber to give locals some proof that he still exists on Tuesday, by striking down forward David Desharnais with a knee injury.
After being put on the Habs' top line to replace the already injured Alex Galchenyuk, Desharnais was taken down with the exact same injury against the Blues.
Read MoreMONTCLAIR, NJ – In what Devils personnel are calling an early Christmas miracle, forward Beau Bennett got out of bed on Monday morning without injuring himself.
Team doctors were notified of the development via phone call, as an hysterical Bennett called them just after getting out of the shower.
Read MoreMONTREAL, QC – The Canadiens will have a 45 minute torch passing ceremony prior to Saturday's game against Colorado at the Bell Centre, featuring all of the members of the 1976 Stanley Cup winning team.
The ceremony will be held to commemorate the last torch passing ceremony earlier this season featuring the exact same group of tired, confused old men.
Read MoreNEW YORK, NY – Numerous sources within the NHL have hinted at the possibility of the league changing the shape of the blue lines from straight to curved, and having them act in a similar way to basketball's three-point line.
It is understood that any goal scored from behind the curved lines would be worth two, rather than the usual one.
Read MoreDETROIT, MI – After doing their best to destroy what their forefathers built 240 years ago by electing Donald Trump as the next president, fans in the United States are eyeing another opportunity to wreak havoc on a public vote.
Online polling for the NHL All-Star game opened to fans on Thursday, giving voters yet another chance to prove why democracy does not work.
Read MoreRALEIGH, NC – The Carolina Hurricanes today announced that the NHL's newest initiative – Hurricanes Awareness Month – was a great success, both on and off the ice.
The team closed out the month of November with a 7-5-2 record, one of the best months in recent memory for the franchise.
Read MoreBUFFALO, NY – After their big win over the Senators on Tuesday night, Sabres fans took to the streets celebrating what they believe to be the team's first game of the season.
"Boy, was that something else!" remarked Jeremy Gonzalez, a Buffalo native who attended the game. "I always try to make it out to the first game of the season, even if it means traveling."
Read MoreCALGARY, AB – Flames head coach Glen Gulutzan today said that the team will no longer allow players to participate in optional skating during games.
The practice is one that both the Flames and Islanders have employed to perfection this season, and involves the players choosing if they want to skate, or simply just mail it in completely.
Read MoreVAUGHAN, ON – A small group of students from a local university are promising to turn the hockey world on its head with their "groundbreaking" new podcast, Pucks In Deep.
Toby Jenkins, the self-anointed producer, on-air talent, and spokesman, said that the podcast's mantra will be to ask all of the hard questions unlike the other guys.
Read MoreRALEIGH, NC – Florida Panthers president of hockey operations Dale Tallon today stood by the team's handling of Gerard Gallant's firing.
Tallon, who is serving as acting general manager until the end of the season, reiterated that the head coach was not made to call his own taxi after being fired on Sunday.
Read MoreBROOKLYN, NY – Islanders GM Garth Snow last night called an emergency meeting of his front office staff after discovering that he does, in fact, have the power to fire his head coach.
The realization came after Florida's Gerard Gallant was let go following his team's loss to Carolina on Sunday.
Read MoreHALIBURTON, ON – Toronto Maple Leafs forward Auston Matthews has been living life on the wild side since retiring from hockey two weeks ago.
The league's first overall draft pick in 2016 has reportedly taken up hunting and hiking since officially hanging up his skates shortly after his debut game in October this year.
Read MoreCALGARY, AB – Flames forward Johnny Gaudreau is set to miss a few weeks after sustaining a really bad ouchie against Minnesota last night, his mother Jane said on Wednesday.
The Flames' leading scorer was slashed numerous times by the "mean boys on the other team" and had to leave the game in the third period.
Read MorePITTSBURGH, PA – The developer of video game franchise NHL 17 today announced that Paul Steigerwald and Bob Errey will be the voices of next year's game.
EA Sports today confirmed that the pair will replace Mike 'Doc' Emrick and Ed Olczyk who have been providing commentary for the game since 2015.
Read MoreLOS ANGELES, CA – Kings head coach Darryl Sutter had reporters completely stunned at a press conference this morning with what they thought was his own submission for the Mannequin Challenge.
The two-time Stanley Cup winner took questions from reporters while standing perfectly still and showing off his trademark perplexed look.
Read MoreCHICAGO, IL – With a focus on reducing climate change, the Chicago Blackhawks have decided to recycle their jerseys for the upcoming Winter Classic at Busch Stadium on New Year's Day.
The team announced on Wednesday that they will be wearing the exact same jerseys left over from the 2015 outdoor game, and that they don't plan on selling any to fans.
Read MorePORTLAND, ME – Local man Lloyd Harper today announced via Facebook that he and his hockey pants have decided to part ways, mutually ending their 28-year relationship.
Harper, 47, was given the pants as a senior at Maine University, and held on to them as his career took him through the East Coast Hockey League, before settling in Maine's beer leagues.
Read MoreEDMONTON, AB – After an opening to the season that sees the Oilers sitting on top of the Pacific division with a 7-1-0 record, psychologists in the city are finding themselves out of work.
According to new research released on Saturday, psychologists in Edmonton have lost approximately 75 percent of their patients, with most practices indicating that they're just weeks away from closing and moving to Vancouver.
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