Blackhawks just going to start wearing regular jerseys for Winter Classic games now

Blackhawks just going to start wearing regular jerseys for Winter Classic games now

CHICAGO, IL – The Blackhawks today announced that they will be wearing their regular home jerseys for all future Winter Classics, as they can no longer be bothered designing new ones for every single outdoor game they play each year.

General manager Stan Bowman said that he and his staff were sick and tired of trying to come up with dumb reasons for why each jersey means something to the team's history.

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Blackhawks begin tryouts for scrawny, bland male ice crew members

Blackhawks begin tryouts for scrawny, bland male ice crew members

CHICAGO, IL – Looking to revamp their ice crew with some fresh blood, the Blackhawks began tryouts for male personnel today.

On-ice activities tested skating skills and the ability to shovel snow, with particular focus centring on the attractiveness of the applicants.

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Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

OTTAWA, ON – Senators GM Pierre Dorion today announced that he is confident college star Will Butcher will give his team a passing thought before inevitably agreeing to the Blackhawks' offer this summer.

After meeting with the University of Denver forward today, Dorion told reporters that his team's impressive playoff run this year helped put the Sens in an enviable position.

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Blackhawks deny eyewitness reports of mysterious third forward appearing on Kane and Panarin line

Blackhawks deny eyewitness reports of mysterious third forward appearing on Kane and Panarin line

PITTSBURGH, PA – According to several eyewitnesses at the Penguins-Blackhawks game on Wednesday evening, an unidentified third forward was sighted on Chicago's second line alongside Patrick Kane and Artemi Panarin.

The sighting, and subsequent testimony of fans in attendance, contradicts all game logs and statistics taken this season. No records indicate that the two players have played with anyone else on their line.

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Stan Bowman prays to Dolos for guidance at trade deadline

Stan Bowman prays to Dolos for guidance at trade deadline

CHICAGO, IL – After lighting incense and arranging candles in a large circle in the living room of the abandoned house, Blackhawks general manager Stan Bowman sat down cross-legged in the middle of the circle.

Holding his hands in prayer amidst the light, he said the magic words and began talking directly to the Greek god Dolos.

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Environmentally conscious Blackhawks to reuse old outdoor game jerseys for Winter Classic

Environmentally conscious Blackhawks to reuse old outdoor game jerseys for Winter Classic

CHICAGO, IL – With a focus on reducing climate change, the Chicago Blackhawks have decided to recycle their jerseys for the upcoming Winter Classic at Busch Stadium on New Year's Day.

The team announced on Wednesday that they will be wearing the exact same jerseys left over from the 2015 outdoor game, and that they don't plan on selling any to fans.

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Chicago to host the Blackhawks in 2018 Winter Classic

Chicago to host the Blackhawks in 2018 Winter Classic

CHICAGO, IL – In a move that the NHL believes will excite all hockey fans, commissioner Gary Bettman today announced that the 2018 Winter Classic will be played between two teams comprised entirely of the  Blackhawks roster.

The game will take place on January 2nd at Wrigley field, with an alumni game on New Year's Day.

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Patrick Kane applies for sole custody of Artemi Panarin

Patrick Kane applies for sole custody of Artemi Panarin

CHICAGO, IL – Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane has officially lodged a file to Illinois' top family court for sole custody of teammate Artemi Panarin.

It is understood that Kane left today's practice early and drove directly to his lawyer's office after head coach Joel Quenneville announced that he was considering taking the 24-year-old Russian off his line this season.

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