VANCOUVER, BC – Simon Porter, a five-year-old suffering from terminal brain cancer, has failed to impress Vancouver Canucks coaching staff in his first practice session after signing a one-day Make-A-Wish contract this morning.
The right winger for the Maple Ridge Seahawks mini mites team was described as a lethargic and lazy skater with below-average puckhandling skills.
Read MoreBROOKLYN, NY – The New York Islanders made Eric Boulton's dreams come true again today by signing the 39-year-old to yet another one-year contract.
Boulton has an irreversible condition that severely impacts his hand-eye coordination and ability to handle a puck. It is usually contracted before birth, and there are currently no known cures.
Read MoreNHL is our game, delicious pasta is our name.
The best satirical hockey website in the world. Maybe the only one.
We specialize in writing news specific to the NHL and touch on hockey from around the world, but with a twist. Rather than hockey news you'll see in any other medium, it is all satirical. And we think we're the only ones doing it.
All of the content featured on this website is satirical, and all quotes fictional. It is meant to give desperately sad hockey fans something to be happy about during what can be a cold and depressingly long season. If you have any queries or concerns, please feel free to contact us at newselbow@gmail.com.
