Paul Blart hired to lead investigation into Crosby slash

OTTAWA, ON – Citing an impressive resume taking down bad guys in crime-ridden New Jersey, the Senators today announced that Paul Blart has been hired to investigate the Crosby slash on defenceman Marc Methot.

Blart and his team will be charged with the responsibility of putting together a dossier on the Penguins captain to document his intentions behind the slash that will keep Methot in the press box for the next few weeks. The committee plans on presenting its findings to NHL brass next week.

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