Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

PHILADELPHIA, PA – A local man has today disavowed the entire National Hockey League after witnessing what he described as "a bigger cover-up than Watergate" in Pittsburgh's 2-0 win over Nashville on Sunday night.

Tony Bermini, a 23-year-old Flyers fan, announced in a 1,000 word letter on Facebook that he would be taking his support to another league.

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Debilitating superstitions force Sidney Crosby to retire

Debilitating superstitions force Sidney Crosby to retire

PITTSBURGH, PA – NHL superstar Sidney Crosby has announced his immediate retirement from hockey after succumbing to several debilitating superstitions.

The 29-year-old's shock decision comes after two decades of dealing with the condition. According to teammates, he has missed the start of every pre-game skate for the past 21 years.

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Crosby totally unaffected by concussion, caretaker says

Crosby totally unaffected by concussion, caretaker says

PITTSBURGH, PA – Appearing at a news conference alongside his caretaker Tuesday afternoon, Penguins captain Sidney Crosby mumbled that he was feeling "great" despite suffering yet another concussion last week.

His carer, who translated his occasional mutters and head rolls, said the reigning Conn Smythe Trophy winner was surprised by the diagnosis he got over the weekend.

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Dubinsky vows not to use his favourite stick to break over Crosby's back next time

Dubinsky vows not to use his favourite stick to break over Crosby's back next time

COLUMBUS, OH – A repentant Brandon Dubinsky has admitted he made mistakes in the game against Pittsburgh that got him a one game suspension.

The forward spoke out on Sunday, saying the next time he breaks a stick over any part of Sidney Crosby's prone body on the ice, it won't be with one of his favourite sticks.

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