The Elbow staff
DETROIT, MI – Red Wings fans are today celebrating the opportunity to purchase another small part of the Joe Louis Arena.
The team announced on Friday that they have extracted and packaged five gallons of putrid, clogged waste from the troughs and toilets throughout the arena.
The vials are being sold with a framed image of the arena's famous steps, which will be signed by various members of the 2008 Stanley Cup-winning cleaning staff.
"This is a golden opportunity for fans to get their hands on something that won't last long," team spokeswoman Sally Leetch said today. "Everyone who came to the Joe knew how limited the facilities were here, so we've only been able to pump a very limited quantity."
"Each drop of yellowy brown water tells a tale. In the case of this vial here, it's a tale of this unfortunate gent who ate his under-cooked chili dog too quickly and missed the entire second period in the final game played here."
Fans were seen lining up around the arena this afternoon to get their hands on the memorabilia.
"This is stuff that parents dream of being able to pass down to their children to proudly display in their living rooms," Detroit native Stan Pistakis told The Elbow. "I'll never forget the dump someone took in 1995 that backed one of the toilets on the 100 level."
"Half of the building had to be evacuated, but we had a laugh. Those are the memories I want to share with my grandchildren."
Each vial is retailing for $170, but experts are saying many of them will end up being re-sold online for much more.