Devils' new ticket promotion to feature "Real Nerds" just like you

Devils' new ticket promotion to feature "Real Nerds" just like you

NEWARK, NJ – The Devils kicked off their 2017-18 season ticket promotion today with a fresh new slogan entitled "Real Nerds".

The team is hoping that the campaign can reach all corners of the hockey market in New Jersey, from those who are athletically-inclined to those at the opposite end of the spectrum.

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Complete random believes he earned his day with the Stanley Cup

Complete random believes he earned his day with the Stanley Cup

HEMINGFORD, NE – Pittsburgh Penguins assistant manager of bookkeeping, Terry Law today got what he firmly believes is his well-deserved day with the Stanley Cup.

The reclusive numbers guy spent 20 minutes sitting with the cup on a park bench this afternoon before taking it to his basement apartment to watch Breaking Bad reruns.

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Game-worn jockstrap auction less popular than anticipated

Game-worn jockstrap auction less popular than anticipated

EDMONTON, AB – After a successful game-worn jersey auction last week, the Oilers turned their focus to selling other leftover player equipment on Friday.

The team hosted an exclusive jockstrap auction for season ticket holders at Rogers Place, with approximately ten fans in attendance.

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Earplug shortage in Nashville as contest for Predators' new anthem singer begins

Earplug shortage in Nashville as contest for Predators' new anthem singer begins

NASHVILLE, TN – According to authorities, earplugs in the Nashville metropolitan area are at critical levels, after locals stormed stores in preparation for the upcoming contest to crown the Predators' newest national anthem singer.

The tryouts will be held at the Bridgestone Arena in front of a live TV audience and panel of judges. It will also be shown on a large screen outside of the arena, with team officials saying that people within a one mile radius of the area will be able to hear the singers.

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Blackhawks begin tryouts for scrawny, bland male ice crew members

Blackhawks begin tryouts for scrawny, bland male ice crew members

CHICAGO, IL – Looking to revamp their ice crew with some fresh blood, the Blackhawks began tryouts for male personnel today.

On-ice activities tested skating skills and the ability to shovel snow, with particular focus centring on the attractiveness of the applicants.

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Golden Knights fail to respond to fan's tweet

Golden Knights fail to respond to fan's tweet

LAS VEGAS, NV – In a stunning admission today, the Golden Knights announced that its social media team had failed to respond to a fan's tweet on Saturday.

The tweet, which reportedly consisted of a selfie with the fan wearing a newly-purchased team hat, was posted at 10am that day. As of 6pm Sunday, it had not been replied to or retweeted by the team.

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Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

OTTAWA, ON – Senators GM Pierre Dorion today announced that he is confident college star Will Butcher will give his team a passing thought before inevitably agreeing to the Blackhawks' offer this summer.

After meeting with the University of Denver forward today, Dorion told reporters that his team's impressive playoff run this year helped put the Sens in an enviable position.

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Hockey fan bored enough to try talking to his kids​

Hockey fan bored enough to try talking to his kids​

VANCOUVER, BC – Insisting that he would do it if it helped pass the off-season quicker, local man Jamie Billings has today given in to his wife's pleas that he finally spend some meaningful time bonding with his two young sons.

Exhibiting uncharacteristic bravery, Billings entered the bedroom of his four-year-old son Noah on Tuesday morning and cautiously approached the boy who was busy drawing in crayon.

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Harvey the Hound put down after being hit by car

Harvey the Hound put down after being hit by car

CALGARY, AB – Beloved mascot of the Calgary Flames, Harvey the Hound, was put down overnight after being hit by a car on a busy city road.

Emergency personnel were called to the scene around 11:40pm on Thursday, where the popular mascot was found lying motionless on the asphalt with serious injuries. Shortly after being airlifted to a veterinary clinic, he was administered a fatal dose of pentobarbital and pronounced dead.

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NHL will shorten seasons to fit in annual lockouts

NHL will shorten seasons to fit in annual lockouts

NEW YORK, NY – Starting this year, all NHL seasons will begin with a three month lockout from October to January as part of the league's plan to regulate work stoppages.

Commissioner Gary Bettman spoke at NHL headquarters this morning as he revealed the plan that he hopes will define his legacy.

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After petitioning NHL, Capitals players to take Presidents' Trophy to hometowns

After petitioning NHL, Capitals players to take Presidents' Trophy to hometowns

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Coming off their team's second straight Presidents' Trophy win, Capitals players will begin a summer of celebration by showing off the team's newest hardware in the coming weeks.

Captain Alex Ovechkin took the trophy to a Baltimore Orioles game last week, and is set to leave for his hometown of Moscow, Russia this week to share the occasion with family and friends.

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Fans who agreed on Duchene trade unsure why deal not yet done

Fans who agreed on Duchene trade unsure why deal not yet done

DENVER, CO – The two diehard hockey fans who last week agreed on a trade in principle to send Matt Duchene from Colorado to the New York Islanders have been left wondering what has taken the GMs so long to finalize the deal.

The Avalanche and Islanders fans, Tim Hall and James Tran, hashed out Duchene's trade value over an intense two hour session on a popular hockey forum on Tuesday.

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The Elbow's in-depth look at the Vegas expansion draft

The Elbow's in-depth look at the Vegas expansion draft

With the Vegas Golden Knights' expansion draft – their debutante ball, if you will – fast approaching, The Elbow is taking an in-depth look at who will be lining up this fall for the NHL's 31st team, and why.

You've probably read hundreds of well thought-out think pieces and essays about the machinations of this draft, but look no further. Put your house on these picks. We present to you, the results of the 2017 Vegas Golden Knights expansion draft.

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Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

Local man swears off hockey after "rigged" cup final

PHILADELPHIA, PA – A local man has today disavowed the entire National Hockey League after witnessing what he described as "a bigger cover-up than Watergate" in Pittsburgh's 2-0 win over Nashville on Sunday night.

Tony Bermini, a 23-year-old Flyers fan, announced in a 1,000 word letter on Facebook that he would be taking his support to another league.

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Local catfish can't wait for children to see his guts spilled out on national TV

Local catfish can't wait for children to see his guts spilled out on national TV

NASHVILLE, TN – Sitting on a dock along the Cumberland River, Norman Lewis has only one thing on his mind ahead of Sunday's game six.

"It'd be a great shame to be wasted on a plate," the 24-year-old catfish told The Elbow. "If I had one wish as I lie here, struggling to breathe, it would be that my carcass is snuck into Bridgestone arena under a sweaty man's jersey, flung 20 metres over peoples' heads and onto the ice."

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Country singer waiting for her big chance to butcher U.S. national anthem

Country singer waiting for her big chance to butcher U.S. national anthem

FRANKLIN, TN – Up-and-coming country singer Taylor Tucker today revealed that she is keenly awaiting her moment to mutilate the Star-Spangled Banner in the Stanley Cup Final.

After watching Martina McBride and Dierks Bentley force words out of their mouths to the tune the anthem before the past two games, she believes she is ready for her opportunity.

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Mayors of Nashville and Pittsburgh make bet; loser to wear Avalanche gear for a week

Mayors of Nashville and Pittsburgh make bet; loser to wear Avalanche gear for a week

PITTSBURGH, PA – As is tradition, the mayors of the two teams competing in the Stanley Cup Final have made a friendly bet regarding the outcome of the series.

Nashville's mayor, Megan Barry, alongside Bill Peduto of Pittsburgh spoke to the media outside PPG Paints Arena this afternoon to announce the terms of the arrangement.

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Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

OTTAWA, ON – Three days after getting eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, Senators captain Erik Karlsson – who played all post-season with hairline fractures in his foot – revealed that he was also dealing with a broken heart thanks to a breakup with childhood sweetheart, Elsa.

Despite their relationship ending over 23 years ago when they were three years old, Karlsson said the memories are as painful today as they were back then.

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