PHILADELPHIA, PA – The local man who was the recipient of four of Jaromir Jagr's five vital organs is back to playing hockey again.
Flyers fan Jeffery Eade received Jagr's heart, kidneys, liver and lungs in the summer of 2011, when the recently-signed Philadelphia forward opted to replace his organs with mechanical parts in an NHL-first.
Read MoreSUNSHINE, FL – With his two goals in Florida's win over Ottawa on Thursday, Jaromir Jagr has probably broken another NHL record.
According to league statistician Martin Ryan, there's a pretty good chance that he passed yet another league great to keep moving up the NHL's all-time scoring leaderboard.
Read MoreOTTAWA, ON – After announcing that it would be making a surprise return to the NHL earlier this week, Jaromir Jagr's mullet has promptly ordered Erik Karlsson's flow to "leave town and never return".
It is believed that the legendary figure traveled up from Florida to meet Karlsson's prior to Senators training this morning to give him the news.
Read MoreSUNRISE, FL – Florida Panthers general manager Dale Tallon has confirmed that forward Jaromir Jagr has successfully undergone his annual parts inspection and oil change.
"Jaromir's mechanic has reported that he is in excellent condition," Tallon said.
Read MoreNHL is our game, delicious pasta is our name.
The best satirical hockey website in the world. Maybe the only one.
We specialize in writing news specific to the NHL and touch on hockey from around the world, but with a twist. Rather than hockey news you'll see in any other medium, it is all satirical. And we think we're the only ones doing it.
All of the content featured on this website is satirical, and all quotes fictional. It is meant to give desperately sad hockey fans something to be happy about during what can be a cold and depressingly long season. If you have any queries or concerns, please feel free to contact us at newselbow@gmail.com.
