Senators set focus on winning Chevrolet Good Deeds Cup

Senators set focus on winning Chevrolet Good Deeds Cup

OTTAWA, ON – On the eve of the new NHL season, the Ottawa Senators today announced that they would be shifting their focus towards winning Chevrolet's Good Deeds Cup rather than the more traditional goal of the Stanley Cup.

The team believes the competition — which puts an emphasis on charity rather than winning — is a far more achievable goal that suits their style of play.

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Turris and Dorion fooling nobody by pretending nothing happened last night

Turris and Dorion fooling nobody by pretending nothing happened last night

KANATA, ON – Following a reportedly failed trade that saw Kyle Turris almost moved to Nashville overnight, several Senators players say no-one on the team is being fooled by GM Pierre Dorion and Turris acting normally today.

Dorion arrived at the Canadian Tire Centre this morning and tried focussing on greeting his players in the same way he usually does.

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Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

Senators emerge as valiant runners-up behind Blackhawks to sign star college player

OTTAWA, ON – Senators GM Pierre Dorion today announced that he is confident college star Will Butcher will give his team a passing thought before inevitably agreeing to the Blackhawks' offer this summer.

After meeting with the University of Denver forward today, Dorion told reporters that his team's impressive playoff run this year helped put the Sens in an enviable position.

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Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

Erik Karlsson reveals he battled through playoffs with broken heart as well

OTTAWA, ON – Three days after getting eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, Senators captain Erik Karlsson – who played all post-season with hairline fractures in his foot – revealed that he was also dealing with a broken heart thanks to a breakup with childhood sweetheart, Elsa.

Despite their relationship ending over 23 years ago when they were three years old, Karlsson said the memories are as painful today as they were back then.

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Police arrest Sens fans who planned to start new tradition by throwing senator's corpse onto the ice before game six

Police arrest Sens fans who planned to start new tradition by throwing senator's corpse onto the ice before game six

OTTAWA, ON – Four local men were arrested on Monday for planning to toss a dead senator over the glass and onto the ice before tomorrow's game six against Pittsburgh.

Hoping to start what they believed would be a new tradition for Senators playoff games, the group had dug up the grave of a former senator and dressed it in a team jersey.

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Sens buy 5,000 leftover Zellers mannequins to fill empty seats

Sens buy 5,000 leftover Zellers mannequins to fill empty seats

KANATA, ON – With thousands of seats left unsold in Ottawa's game against New York on Thursday night, the team today announced that it has purchased leftover mannequins from Zellers to fill the empty space expected for game two.

The legless and headless dummies will be dressed in jerseys and hats from the arena's lost and found section.

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Paul Blart hired to lead investigation into Crosby slash

OTTAWA, ON – Citing an impressive resume taking down bad guys in crime-ridden New Jersey, the Senators today announced that Paul Blart has been hired to investigate the Crosby slash on defenceman Marc Methot.

Blart and his team will be charged with the responsibility of putting together a dossier on the Penguins captain to document his intentions behind the slash that will keep Methot in the press box for the next few weeks. The committee plans on presenting its findings to NHL brass next week.

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Sens forward trying to make 'Dzingel' into a catchphrase

Sens forward trying to make 'Dzingel' into a catchphrase

OTTAWA, ON – Senators forward Ryan Dzingel has reportedly spent the last two months trying to convince his teammates to use his surname as their newest locker room catchphrase.

The 24-year-old insists it has nothing to do with his obsession with TV show The Big Bang Theory, saying he just thinks Dzingel sounds super cool and he's heard other people use it.

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Buffalo fans celebrate victory in season opener

Buffalo fans celebrate victory in season opener

BUFFALO, NY – After their big win over the Senators on Tuesday night, Sabres fans took to the streets celebrating what they believe to be the team's first game of the season.

"Boy, was that something else!" remarked Jeremy Gonzalez, a Buffalo native who attended the game. "I always try to make it out to the first game of the season, even if it means traveling."

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Jagr's hair tells Karlsson's to leave town and never return

Jagr's hair tells Karlsson's to leave town and never return

OTTAWA, ON – After announcing that it would be making a surprise return to the NHL earlier this week, Jaromir Jagr's mullet has promptly ordered Erik Karlsson's flow to "leave town and never return".

It is believed that the legendary figure traveled up from Florida to meet Karlsson's prior to Senators training this morning to give him the news.

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