'Wednesday Night Rivalry' features actual rivalry

'Wednesday Night Rivalry' features actual rivalry

NEW YORK, NY – According to viewers who watched NBCSN's Wednesday Night Rivalry game last night, the network made the bizarre decision to air a contest between two teams who are legitimate rivals.

The game reportedly featured the New York Rangers and New York Islanders, who faced off in their 340th game against one another since the latter joined the NHL in 1972.

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NASA confirms universe still operating smoothly despite Ho-Sang's jersey number choice

NASA confirms universe still operating smoothly despite Ho-Sang's jersey number choice

HOUSTON, TX – Scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) confirmed on Monday morning that the Earth's place in the solar system remained unchanged over the weekend, despite Josh Ho-Sang's decision to wear Mario Lemieux's old number 66 last week.

Thousands of people voiced their concern for the state of the world when the Islanders' rookie made his decision public on Thursday.

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Local dilapidated arena denies Islanders request to move in

Local dilapidated arena denies Islanders request to move in

NEW YORK, NY – The Staten Island Skate Palace, a local ice arena that seats 2,000 patrons, has rejected up to 15 requests from the New York Islanders to play regular season NHL games there.

With the Barclays Center potentially opting out of its lease agreement with the team at the end of the 2018-19 season, reports indicate that the Islanders have been frantically calling local arenas about signing a long-term lease.

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Flames to ban optional skates during games

Flames to ban optional skates during games

CALGARY, AB – Flames head coach Glen Gulutzan today said that the team will no longer allow players to participate in optional skating during games.

The practice is one that both the Flames and Islanders have employed to perfection this season, and involves the players choosing if they want to skate, or simply just mail it in completely.

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Garth Snow calls emergency meeting after realizing that coaches can be fired

Garth Snow calls emergency meeting after realizing that coaches can be fired

BROOKLYN, NY – Islanders GM Garth Snow last night called an emergency meeting of his front office staff after discovering that he does, in fact, have the power to fire his head coach.

The realization came after Florida's Gerard Gallant was let go following his team's loss to Carolina on Sunday.

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Byfuglien throws Cheveldayoff's clothes in shower after hearing latest trade rumour

WINNIPEG, MB – In response to recent trade rumours involving him and the New York Islanders, Winnipeg defenceman Dustin Byfuglien reportedly threw one of general manager Kevin Cheveldayoff's suits in a locker room shower on Monday afternoon.

Upon hearing Elliotte Friedman's report in the morning, it is believed that Byfuglien marched into the GM's office, stole his spare suit from behind the office door, and dumped it on the floor of the showers.

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Brendan Gallagher's piano career over after taking Boychuk slapshot to hand

Brendan Gallagher's piano career over after taking Boychuk slapshot to hand

MONTREAL, QC – Brendan Gallagher's piano career came to a crashing halt on Sunday night after taking a Johnny Boychuk slapshot to the hand.

The Canadiens' forward tried to regain his composure after blocking the shot, but left the ice in noticeable pain and with a couple of fingers out of joint. While in the dressing room, the team doctor informed him that he would never play piano again. His teacher, who attends all of his games, was on hand for the news.

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Islanders grant another Make-A-Wish to Eric Boulton

Islanders grant another Make-A-Wish to Eric Boulton

BROOKLYN, NY – The New York Islanders made Eric Boulton's dreams come true again today by signing the 39-year-old to yet another one-year contract.

Boulton has an irreversible condition that severely impacts his hand-eye coordination and ability to handle a puck. It is usually contracted before birth, and there are currently no known cures.

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Isles nix ice girls, replace with hipster baristas

Isles nix ice girls, replace with hipster baristas

BROOKLYN, NY – In a move that the New York Islanders front office hopes will appeal to local fans in Brooklyn, ice girls will be replaced by hipster baristas to clean the ice for the 2015-16 season.

The baristas will come out onto the ice during TV timeouts – the same time the ice girls have in previous years – and shuffle around in desert boots.

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